Saturday, 5 April 2008


I had a look at the digital recorder thingy last night and found that we had gone from having 10 saved episodes of Top Gear to two, so I made sure I watched one before it too was deleted.

Hang on - what is a cyclist doing watching Top Gear? Surely that is heresy, given what Clarkson has to say about those on two wheels (including motor bikes).

Well, I think not. Because Top Gear is not just about cars - it is a celebration of speed, and what the car has given us as a society (lots of freedom) and it certainly sticks up a big middle finger at the safety nazi, tree hugging, whale mooching establishment.

And I'm all for that. Riding a bike certainly doesn't equate with a hankering for say "slow food". I do not move slowly. I do not meander when I walk - I stride, and I get really impatient with people that amble. When I swim, I don't exactly move through the water like Ian Thorpe, but you'll never find me in the slow lane. When I ride, I hit the cranks as hard as my legs will allow, and I start to see red when I get stuck behind Captain Granny and his Volvo-like riding habits. The only people that should be permitted to ride at a sedate pace are nuns and vicars, and I doubt that I will see many of them on my commuting route. Every other bastard can pull his finger out and get the revs up.

If our highways were like autobahns, you'd find me tonking along at 100 mph in the Disco, or trading it in on something that cruises at 200kmh plus. I am not averse to going as quickly as the road will bear - I never got my old car (circa 1971) up to 100 mph in the Sydney Harbour Tunnel (prior to the speed cameras being installed), but I did my best.

Which is why I can't stand slow cyclists. I hate plonkers. If you're going to spend some money on a bike, spend enough time on it so that you have the fitness and strength to be capable of zipping along with the traffic. If you can't, trade it in on a moped. Your dilatroiousness is shitting both me and those sitting in their cars, fuming at the sight of your bum plodding along in front of them at 4km/h.

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