Wednesday 29 July 2009

Captain Slow

I finally decided this morning that it is time to start venting at stupid pedestrians. I hate pedestrians that cross against the lights, and dawdle as they do so. If you are going to cross against the red, the least you can do is pick up the pace and watch for approaching traffic.
The CBD is infested with sluggish, brainless pedofoots who amble from the footpath to the road with so much as a sideways glance to see if any motorised or unmotorised traffic is heading their way. The very worst are those who are so intent on yapping on their mobile, that they stride onto the road with the phone attached to the side of their face in such a way that it blocks the view of traffic coming their way, and also prevents them from hearing a car, bike or bus that also happens to be sharing that bit of road space.
So there I was this morning, waiting at the bottom of King St for the lights to change, facing a rapid uphill charge up the bike lane (see my post from a day or two ago). I was well rested, and pumped from a good ride in, and there were few bikes around me, so I resolved to absolutely hammer it up the hill to see it I could make it to the top before the bike light went red.
I started rolling from well back on the footpath before the light went green, anticipating the change once the light going the other way went red. I hit the road just as the light went green, and I was already well on my way. By the time I hit the bottom of the slope, I was in 3rd gear, out of the saddle, and really giving the cranks a workout.
Then this fucking stupid slug decided to cross just up from the lights, and she walked right into my path as I was giving it the herberts. I yelled at her, "Move it, Captain Slow!", and you should have seen her jump. She got such a shock she almost leapt in front of a car. It was also a wonderfully motivating thing for me to say to myself (Captain Slow could have applied to her or me), and I steamed up that short slope, making the top just as the bike light went orange.
So I think I have proved to my satisfaction that the phasing of the lights is utterly rooted, and that yelling out a reference to Captain Slow is wonderful for moving idiot pedestrians out of the way.
By the way, I find it interesting that such a car-centric phrase should be the first thing to pop into my head, given that Captain Slow comes from Top Gear.

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