Tuesday 6 May 2008

The baby bonus

Our family is due to expand in a few months time due to the scheduled arrival of sprog number 3. Sprog 1, Junior, arrived well before mums were paid to pop out pups. Sprog 2, the Monkey, arrived not long after the bonus had been established, and in case Peter Costello is thinking that number 1 was for mum and number 2 was for dad, let me disabuse him. Sprog 2 was quite unexpected, but certainly not unwanted. He arrived in the age old way - surprise!

Sprog 3 was not concieved for country either. Sprog 3 is another good old Catholic surprise. We're doing it for fun, not money.

It now appears that the nasty, child unfriendly bastards in government have decided that we breeders are unworthy of recieving some of the cash that we have so generously being tipping into the government coffers of late. This looks like being a very good year for the Bike household - so good in fact that I may face my first ever six figure income tax bill. Which is a huge shock to the system, given that it was not that long ago that simply earning six figures was beyond my wildest dreams. But hey, years of sweat and toil have paid off. But that doesn't mean we are exactly rolling in it. We're still saving to buy our first house, which means that I have to earn and save heaps and heaps of money. It doesn't help that those grafting bastards in Canberra keep nicking nearly half of what I bring in, and then when I put it into a high interest account, they take half of what I earn on that.

But enough of my complaints. We have spent the last six months with the happy expectation that when sprog 3 arrives, so will a cheque from the Treasury. It will cover things like a billion nappies, a new car seat and maybe a new set of bed sheets, since Monkey spent a year puking on our last set, and Monkey puke does horrible things to cotton.

It's not going to be spent on a plasma TV or DVD player or any of that crap. I can see some of it being spent on tennis and sailing lessons for sprog 1, since he missed out first time around, some Thomas the Tank Engine DVD's for sprog 2 (to keep him quiet whilst we are putting sprog 3 to bed) and like I said, about a billion nappies. We'll probably also be spending some of it on additional daycare for sprog 2, since daycare costs a bomb, and mum is going to need maximum monkey-free time during the first few months. If we have anything left over, I might buy myself a Chuppa-Chup and a pair of socks.

What I don't get is why me, who has fucking worked my arse off for years, is going to get kicked in the balls by Labor and their pack of wankers, when some fat, useless, drug-adled, dole bludging slapper on her sixth boyfriend and seventh kid is going to get a free house, a big bonus and a shower of fucking social workers to help with this, that and something else? You won't see a fucking 60 inch plasma TV in our loungeroom, but I'm sure Ms Fatslapper will have one before you know it. If they have one already, the bonus is sure to go up in booze and fags.

Fucking leftie government. Those that work hard hand over money by the wheelbarrow load, and it gets chucked at pullulating baby factories that have never done a days work in their life.

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