Sunday, 22 March 2009

Riding through Lakewood

Stockland - where marketing overcomes reality.

Part III of my morning ride took me through the Lakewood development.

First, let us examine the signage erected long the roadsides. Each sign exhorts us to do a single thing - a good thing, or pushes a supposed facet of this development - "grow", "family", "safe".

Fuck me, did Kim Il Jong come back to life and settle here as the Marketing Director?

All the sorts of things to warm the cockles of your heart.

Take a look at the fabulous "ooh-ah" in the background - some sort of tree sculpture I think. There was a forest of them at the entrance. And may I just say to any first time home buyer thinking of paying too much for a home here - read this first.

Check out this sign - why does it show a kid with a normal haircut, rather than a mullet, and with no ear piercings? Everyone knows that your average 2 year old bogan gets their ear pierced as soon as possible, and grows a mullet once their hair is long enough for one.

"Lakewood - the essence of family living". And check out the graffiti! Bwahahahahaha!! "Family living". Ha ha ha ha ha. EPIC FAIL.

And then we have another view of the entrance, from behind. I like the stand of trees on the left, and the little feature park that they have created here - but look at what the local louts have done to it. Dumped shopping trolley, vandalism everywhere, carton of empty VB stubbies just out of shot. Once again, EPIC FAIL.

And that, my friends, is Lakewood. On cool days, you can see the gorillas - I mean bogans - in the mist.

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