Monday, 24 March 2008

Reducing binge drinking

Another bit of televised government agitprop will do little to reduce binge drinking. If anything, it might encourage it. If I was told not to do something when I was 16, I usually went at it twice as hard as before.

There is only one way to cut back on binge drinking - make hangovers worse, and more frequent. The best way to do that is to start putting impurities back into our drinks. Our beer is now all "cold filtered", so it reduces a lot of the muck that used to produce a whacking headache. Wine is scientifically produced, vodka is distilled to remove the methanol. Everything is so pure and lovely, it fails to produce vomiting and splitting migraines until consumed in enormous quantities.

I used to do a home brew that had a toxic sludge in the bottom. One had to be incredibly careful not to shake the bottle, so the sludge stayed on the bottom. The only really safe way to drink a bottle was to carefully decant it, like a 1970 Grange. If you touched the sludge, it was instant hangover. One beer was enough to lay people low if they got the sludge.

I should start producing that sludge in volume, with the aim of selling it to some government nanny quongo that will enforce its addition to all alcoholic products. We need more vomiting, and earlier on in the evening.

If people get sick from drinking fairly often, they might get sick of drinking.

But that's a stupid fucking idea. Forget I ever mentioned it.

But can I have $53 million from the government please, since it might actually produce results?

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