Anyone that knows of the existence of Starbucks would probably be aware of the massive inconvenience that they have foisted on the coffee drinking public.
"I'd like a latte please."
"Tall, Grande, or Bucket?"
"Huh?"
"Tall, Grande or Bucket. What size do you want".
"A normal one. A regular coffee. Coffee in a cup that normal people drink".
"Ah, you want a tall".
"No, I want a normal sized coffee."
"We call that a tall coffee".
"I call that being a tool".
"Cow, soy, goat, yak or cat?"
"Huh?"
"What type of animal or vegetable do you want you milk to have been produced from?"
"Milk. Normal milk. The kind of stuff you find at the supermarket."
"Ok, Cow."
"Who are you calling a cow?"
"Uh, regular, skim, lite, low fat or semi-skim?"
"Oh for crying out loud - a coffee!"
"I'll take it you want regular."
"I take it then are 10 more stupid questions to answer."
"Do you want any of the following added - caramel, hazelnut, essence of gwarp, or an infusion of organic bat eyelashes?"
"The only thing I am going to add is sugar."
"White, raw, brown, caster or sweet'n'low?"
"Just give me the bloody coffee before someone gets hurt."
Which is why I avoid Starbucks like the plague. And any other stupid coffee selling establishment that tries to copy its business model.
I have now found a bread shop at Broadway to avoid. I had to deal with this yesterday:
"That loaf of bread on the top shelf please."
"White, brown or nut?
"White".
"Seeds or no seeds?"
"Seeds."
"Carroway, sesame or flocker?"
"Uh, sesame."
"Sliced or unsliced?"
"Unsliced."
"Paper bag or plastic bag?"
"Paper."
"Carry bag?"
"Yes please."
Oh for crying out loud! I just want the bloody load on the top shelf, as it is, stuffed into a bag! How hard can it be to sell a loaf of bread? Are these people suffering from a lack of conversation, and feel that they have to turn every sales opportunity into a 10 minute discourse?
With luck, they will spend all their time talking, no time selling and soon be out of business. Capitalism is our only hope.
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