Purple poo

I am waiting for the purple poo.

There are two things that mess with your innards - asparagus and beetroot. I don't mean the odd slice of that anaemic rubbish that comes of a tin and occasionally appears in a burger. I am talking about the real stuff that you buy with roots and leaves still attached, and goes into the oven for roasting for an hour and a half.

I love the proper stuff as a warm salad, or with pumpkin. There is a limit to how much you can eat - I think two small bulbs per person is enough, and they need to be accompanied by something like walnuts or goats cheese.

If you've never had "real" beetroot, then you've never experienced the day-after shocker: the purple poo. I take it that the natural colouring agent in beetroot is indigestible, so it goes straight through the gut unaltered and comes out as poo. Bright purple poo.

I've had people ring me a day or two after a dinner party where I have served it saying, "I am going to the doctor today - the oddest thing has happened", and I have to explain purple poo to them. They usually think they have colon cancer, so I now know to warn people in advance when serving it - it's the least I can do to lessen the shock.

Really, the stuff should only be sold in a supermarket with a warning sticker.