Sunday 9 September 2007

Crumble up and die

I have just had one of those God-awful desserts that you find in the freezer at your local supermarket - in this case, an apple crumble. I will not name the brand in case they decide to sue the lawyers on to me, but if they did, I'd just have to counter-sue for false and misleading advertising.

Yes, it had apple in it. I think. It didn't really taste appley. The stuff in the bottom looked like apple, but I can't be sure it was apple. When I cook apple, it does not turn into a completely squishy yellowish mush. Yes, they go mushy, but they still retain some texture.

And the topping. To my way of thinking, a crumble has big crumbs. It has oat flakes in it to give it lots of texture. It might even be lumpy (although that maybe a result of my lazy cooking). The thing that came out of the packet had tiny little crumbs. The were so fine, it was like eating sand. I want lumps - big crummy lumps. When I bite into the crumble, I want something I can chew on - both the crumble and the apple should require some level of mastication. You could have sucked the packet thing through a straw.

When I want an apple crumble, I really should get off my arse and make one. Grabbing one from the shop in a fit of laziness is not a good option.

This is one of those times when I believe that some large multi-national food companies should be burnt to the ground and the land that they stand on sown with salt. It might also be a good idea to line the local roads with crucified food technologists, texture and mouth-feel consultants and marketing executives as a warning to others.

I don't think that is too much to ask in the battle to liberate our taste buds.

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