Wednesday, 17 December 2008

How to count global warming protesters

From the "Greenpeace protest manual", first published in 1978. 25th edition.

When counting participants at a rally, count them from all four sides. Start at the front of the rally, then move to the left, and keep going left until you have counted everyone from the front, rear, left and other-left.

Ensure that anyone jogging, cycling, pushing a pram, walking a dog or photographing a monument in the area is also counted, since they are all impacted by Global Warming. Be especially vigilant to count babies in prams. Due to the baby boom, assume there are three babies in every pram.

Canberra is a popular location for balloon flights. Be sure to count every balloon aloft. Assume for counting purposes that a balloon can lift 127 people.

Don't forget to count all the people working in the buildings around the rally site. Anyone having a fag outside the fire exit must be counted.

It is always a good idea to hold a rally outside a cemetary...

All photos are to be sent to our bureau in Iran for approval and touching up before they can be released to the media for publication.

Don't let the skeptics fool you!


Margo's Maid said...

Woah BOAB - stand by for a Boltalanche.

In a past life I attended a number of anti-nuke protests (not as a participant, I add hastily) where I noted they consistently told the media a number about triple the actual number - and the media always reported it as fact.

TDK said...

Come on! Count the police at the demo too.