Socialist mumbo-jumbo

My heatfelt thanks to Bastards Inc for posting this mass of.... I don't know how to describe it. Let me put my spin on how we implement these policies:

1.4.2 Following from this international pressure must be applied for all nations, especially the industrialised nations, to adopt the goal of 90% reductions by 2030. A new round of climate negotiations must be organised with all sympathetic governments to prepare a global plan and treaty.

"International pressure" sounds like good old fashioned military force to me. Task the RAAF to tool up the F111s and bomb all power plants within range. Stop the bombing when either we run out of bombs, or electricity production in the targetted countries is down 90%.

Carry out "Linebacker II", I mean "Kyoto II" if they try to repair any of their infrastructure.

This is commonly known as "bombing them back into the stone age".

1.4.5 Australia must recognize environmental refugees and offer to take in people, especially from drowning countries in the Asia-Pacific region, who are displaced due to climate change impacts.

All citizens of a "drowning" country are hence forth to be known as "citizens of Atlantis", and issued a passport to that effect. Since they are currently living on islands, they will be happiest if they can continue living on one. They will all be shipped to Tasmania, and told to carry out traditional "slash and burn" agricultural practices in the national park of their choice.

I am sure that 5-10 million new residents in Tasmania will have little or no impact on the environment.

2.3.1 Climate change education programs must be run in schools, workplaces and communities.

All children must sign up for the Hitler Youth, I mean that National Socialists Workers Party youth scheme.

Why not run them in churches as well?

4.1.1 Unnecessary travel must be discouraged. Firstly, instead of shopping complexes being vast, centralised and away from public transport, local distribution outlets should be put in every neighbourhood where people can purchase or order their requirements. Travel to work must be rationalised.

You are all to be issued with a ball and chain.

Your house is to be acquired compulsorily and demolished to make way for a local distribution outlet. You are to be relocated to Bantustan. Don't forget to take your ration cards when you go shopping.

4.2.3 Freight rail should be upgraded to electric, including interstate and intercity freight lines.

Even though this is startlingly uneconomic, we'll do it anyway. We have no understanding whatsoever of the economics of rail freight, but this sounds like a good idea. They do it in densely populated Europe, so it must make sense to do it in the very undensely populated Australia.

4.3 Air transport. Air transport should be avoided at all costs except where its speed is absolutely necessary (for example, urgent medical goods, or people with urgent business). This means a regulatory authority to be given power of restricting air travel.

I guess this means we'll be back to driving across to Nullarbor. Prepare for a massive increase in road deaths as hordes of people have to drive between Sydney and Melbourne and Sydney and Brisbane. No mention is made of course of upgrading the death traps on the Hume or Pacific Highways.

The export of food crops like rice which undermine poor peasant producers in south-east Asia (for example) should be stopped.

Yeah, screw the bastards in countries that are unable to grow enough food for themselves. Who cares if a few million starve?

5.1.1 Unnecessary manufacturing includes products which are not needed at all or are not needed in the quantities which they are currently consumed. Cars are the biggest example. A massive cutback in auto manufacturing (and import) is necessary.

A new agency, known as GOSPLAN, will be responsible for the creation of a 5 year plan that will lead us to this new nirvana. The Chinese might not be very happy when we stop importing from them, but who ever worried about annoying the Chinks?

5.2 New industries must be built to manufacture the requirements for sustainable living.

Pol Pot showed the way here. The cities will be emptied of the bourgeouise, who will be put to work in the fields building the factories of the sustainable future.

5.3.3 Wherever possible, the transition should be accomplished by re-tooling existing plants. Whenever a factory is going out of business, socialists advocate its nationalisation and re-development to make socially useful, ecologically sustainable products. The huge capacity of auto manufacturing should be the base for manufacturing sustainable energy infrastructure.

Even if a factory is being scrapped because it is totally technologically clapped out, we'll still insist on keeping it running. That will even be the case where an old factory is going to be replaced by a new one that uses less energy and creates less pollution. The railway workshops at Eveleigh, which were built in the 1860s, will be re-opened and the old coal fired boilers restarted to power the lathes (non computer controller), winches and pulleys.

6.2.3 Livestock farming creates significant emissions of methane. Livestock farming must be reduced to a sustainable level. Livestock feed must be sourced from organic sources to ensure that methane emissions are not coming from fossil-fuel fertilisers but from carbon already in the biosphere. Does this make sense and is it necessary?

No more hamburgers for you!

And you!

6.2.4 Food production must be decentralised. This will reduce the amount of energy needed to transport and refrigerate foods. A broader base of production protects food security in the event of natural disasters destroying crops. This should include widespread urban agriculture.

If your house has not already been demolished to make way for a local distribution centre, it will now be demolished to make way for a market garden. The local footy oval is to be ploughed under with wheat.

6.3.3 Endangered species must be protected with the most stringent measures. Introduced pests need to be removed or controlled as much as is possible.

As Mao proclaimed, you must all kill 10 flies per day. You will be issued with fly swats to achieve this.

The same fly swats must be used to eliminate rabbits, foxes and feral cats.

And cane toads.

The transition to a sustainable economy will require more workers than are available. There is no reason for the human waste of unemployment in our plan.

Junkies, deadbeats, the mentally ill, the homeless, the useless, artists and the lazy will all be made senior managers and given the task of implementing the first five year plan.

Commit to 95% of stationary power emissions reduction by 2020; 60% overall emissions reduction by 2020; 90% overall emissions reduction by 2030. Immediate research into planning for these targets. Initiate an international treaty and mutual assistance program to bring other countries together to meet a target of 90% emissions reductions on 1990 levels by 2030. Isolate recalcitrant countries with trade sanctions etc.

Once the RAAF has finished bombing our neighbours, we will bomb ourselves.

Anyone caught with a backyard generator will be shot.