Smelly people

I have not caught public transport on a regular basis for years. I used to get the train every day, but then I started walking fairly often, and then I moved on to riding almost every day. The train or bus was something that I caught on an odd occasion - when I was feeling rundown, or the weather was particularly nasty.

I have not found out where the showers are yet in my new building, so I am on the bus every day. The trip takes longer than going door to door on a bike, mainly because the bus route meanders all over the inner west. Forget going as the crow flies. Feed a crow half a bottle of vodka and then you have an idea of the route the bus takes.

I don't mind the time so much, since I have caught up on about 12 months reading in the last 2 weeks. The thing I object to is the smell of some people. Tonight, I sat next to a bloke who was nicely dressed, but he gave off an odour of dogshit. It wasn't a full on stench, like he'd trodden in a turd. It appeared to be coming from his skin. He smelt like dog turds. Very old and dried out dog turds, but dog turds nonetheless.

I am also astounded by the fat people that get on the bus. There are some buses that kneel, which is a very nice feature in that I don't jolt my knees when alighting from the bus. However, I noticed last week that some of the really old buses were kneeling as well from time to time, and it was because a chubbalord was boarding. I am talking about buses that come from a time before air conditioning was invented, so it is doubtful that they have adjustable pneumatic shock absorbers that can adjust the ride level of the bus.

I have taken to sitting up the back in order to avoid having the barge-arses squeeze past me, which generally involves me getting a face full of hip lard. You know how some people are so fat, they seem to have wings coming off their hips and the sides of their legs? That's what I am talking about - being basted with a lard wing. And it's not like it's a rare occurence - at least one beached whale flobs onto the bus each morning.

Bus doors need to be narrowed. If you are too fat to get on a bus, you should be made to walk.