Got a flyer in the letter box today - it is for a liquidation auction being held locally later this week. When I first read it, I thought "great - they are clearing 50 monitors that are 17" or 20" - I could do with a couple at home".
Then I looked on line at their actual catalogue.
All the monitors are CRT screens, not flat screens. Who on earth wants a 20" monitor that was manufactured in 1999? (Yes, they included the manufacturing month and year in the catalogue). For starters, a monitor that big from that period is the size of a small fridge and weighs about half a Mini. When you turn them on, they start with an enormous "bung" sound, and the electro-magnetic disturbance that they put out is enough to stun a small pidgeon at 50 yards.
If the things could stun seagulls, I'd run down to the auction, buy a dozen and line them up in the backyard facing the park. Whenever seagulls landed, I'd plug in the powerboard connected to all of them and watch seagulls fall over sideways. I guess I could also try canting them upwards at 15 degrees and see if I could knock down flying seagulls. I'd have to arrange them like an old pom-pom gun to give a good spread of electromagnetic discharge.
Trouble is, I can also picture all the wiring in the house melting down.
Better avoid the auction after all.