Snot

I tried a simple experiment this week in the best way to loosen snot in your sinuses.

My first method was to stand under a nice hot shower and to suck water up my nose. That did no good at all - didn't dislodge a single thing.

I should explain. I have not slept properly for a week. I am a zombie. You know when you buy a magazine and they have some special promotion for a tea bag and so they've stuck a tea bag to a page with some sort of latexy goo? Well, I have about a litre of that liquid latex stuck to my mouth, throat and sinuses at the moment, and it refuses to budge. It doesn't exactly stay still though either, and that is the problem. As soon as I try and sleep, it loosens up just enough to start vibrating, and I start making noises that sound like a Vogon choir singing "Doom to Planet Theta in a Most Disturbing and Horrible Manner". I reckon I sound more like a choir than a single Vogon as I am grunting and greebling enough to wake myself up with the sheer racket of it all.

I tried a nose spray. All that did was re-arrange things internally. I tried hot water.

Then I got up at around 1am and tried snorting cold water. The temp was down into single digits by then, so the water was pretty icy. It hit the inside of nostril land and before you knew it, it was like the bursting of that tailings dam in PNG a few years ago. The bathroom basin was awash with green goo.

I am working under the assumption here that as snot gets colder, it gets harder and thus more brittle, so that when you blow nice and hard, instead of it sticking in place and just vibrating a bit, it actually snaps off like a stallactite.

That said, snorting cold water at 1am is not a fun option. But it does seem to do the trick.

Up until around 3am that is.