Putting the Windschuttle up the ABC

The fairies at the SmellyMutant Harpy had a double heart attack this week with the appointment of Windschuttle to the ABC and our favourite ranter, Imre, to some sort of Quango that no one had ever heard of.

Heck, with ratings of 9% or so, I guess you could also call the ABC some sort of Quango that no one pays any attention to.

I see just one problem - most boards are pretty powerless. Yes, they might like to think that they are in control, but they aren't. The CEO isn't really in control most of the time either, especially in the public sector. In reality, the place is run by the mid level pubes. What used to be known as mid-level managers before they all got downsized and outsourced and heirarchies got flattened. Consultants thought that leaner companies would work better because a layer of fat had been taken out, but in reality, most decision making takes place amongst the middle tier.

Simple mathematics tells the story.

Let's assume that your average 10,000 person company requires 5,000 decisions per day in order to function. Those decisions range from the small (should we serve chocolate chip biscuits today or creme filled biscuits?) to the large (where should the Board have lunch this month?). If you have say 100 middle managers in the place, they will make the majority of those decisions - probably about 4950 worth. 10 senior managers and the CEO might make the other 50 between them.

Now take away the pubes in the middle. You have a few choices:

• Get the numb nuts down below to make decisions. Hey, that's smart. If they are such good operators, why are they a numb nut instead of a middle manager? Yes, lots of numb nuts are good at what they do, but a lot of people lack a crucial skill - the ability to make a decision. If you don't believe me, try standing in a queue at McDonalds at lunchtime.
• Make fewer decisions. Yes, this will happen when you get rid of half the toenail clippings that pass for managers in the middle strata. Some sit there like fat toads ensuring that all decisions have to go through them, which is a nice way to make yourself important. Remove a few bottlenecks and you remove some decisions. However, not all your decisions are going to go away.
• Push all decision making up to the top. Gee, that's a good idea. You get 10 guys who previously only had to make 5 big decisions each per day, and suddenly they have to make 500 decisions each. Somehow, I think the quality of the decision making process might decline. Besides, the best way to groom your next generation of big thinkers is to get them to make lots of small decisions (and mistakes) on the way up.

Ergo, the ear wax in the middle of the company runs the place. The ABC is the same. The only way the conservatives will ever make a dent in the place is to infiltrate a few hundred middle managers into the joint. Frankly, that sounds like a suicide mission for your average Big C conservative like me. The endless diversity meetings and equality round tables etc would probably drive your average action man to despair.

Which is the point really. If you can work out how to drive out those that actually do stuff, you can have the run of the place and do what you like, including doing nothing, or doing long lunches.

The first thing Windschuttle should request is that they Board throws open all middle management positions and makes a key interview question, "How many people have you sacked in your career?" That would exclude the entire existing middle management, and ensure that some hardnosed maniacs with chainsaws were recruited to run the place.