Festering wingnuts

Ok, here is a photo of the combined footpath and bike path near my place. In this section, both are coloured black. When the path reaches the next Council around The Bay, the bike path stays black and the footpath becomes red - part of the great marketplace of ideas I say. Personally, I prefer them to be different colours - I don't care what colours they use, as long as they try and point out to boneheaded pedestrians that they are on the wrong fucking side of the path.

Well, here we are with a few pedestrians on the left sticking to their side of the bargain and a festering wingnut on the right walking in the bike lane. Fuckwit. Moron. Target.

On the plus side, at least she has the sense to walk far to the left of the path, and not smack down the middle of it as some do. That means I can get around her if I am the only bike on the path. However, often as not, there is more than just me. It's ok if there are a few bikes in a line all going in the same direction - we just all swerve around her, trying to clip her achilles with our pedals - but the real problems occur when there are bikes going in opposite directions with a fuckwit pedestrian in the middle.

I've had it happen to me where there is a walker in the middle of the path and I tinkle my bell as I come up behind her and she jinks left (as she should) and then decides to swerve right - smack into my path. So as I zoom up behind these fools, the following thoughts go through my head:

• If I don't ring my bell, and she holds that line, I can just zip around her. Chances are, she won't deviate (unless her phone rings, and then she will meander unpredictably as she tries to find it and answer it). However, she will probably squeal in shock as I zip past if I don't warn her, and if she hears me at the last second, she may squeal and jump into my path.
• If I do ring the bell, will she hear it over her phone conversation/iPod/chat with girlfriend? She may hear it, and then start dodging to the left and then the right. Very few have the sense to just move left. If she is already to the left, she will probably go right. If she is further to the right of the path than the middle, if I try to cut down the left hand side, she will go left and I will smack into her.
• Trying to make sense of which way a woman will go is like herding cats. Men are predictable - they tend to stay left anyway and they always move to the left when you come up behind them. They often hear my crank going whir-whir-whir before I get there and they move left, dragging their female partner with them.
• Brake. What the hell for? She should just get the fuck out of the lane. Braking is for girls.