Saturday, 30 May 2009


Here's the scenario:

I drive into the office carpark, which is underground. I park near the entrance, in case I need to make a hasty exit, and start walking for the distant elevator. Where I have parked is about as far from the elevator as you can be and still be in the car park, and I have a ramp to climb as well to get there.

A car followed me in. It parked as close to the elevator as is possible without obstructing the doors of the elevator.

I reach the elevator. I press the button. The elevator arrives. I embark.

I hear the driver of the other car heading for the elevator, so I press the button to keep the doors open.

I keep my finger on the button.

It's still on the button.

My finger is getting tired.

Where is this other driver? It's only 20 metres from their car!

The other driver looms in the doorway. She barely comes up to my shoulder, yet she easily weighs 50% more than me. She is wheezing heavily from the 20 metre walk to the elevator, possibly because she has to "floor it" as I was holding the doors open.

She steps into the elevator.


It drops at least an inch. My finger slips off the button. The elevator is built to carry 10 people, yet I wonder if it will handle the two of us.

She is too breathless to tell me her floor number. She has to hold up some fingers.

She alights before I do. Again - boing! - the elevator pops up an inch as she departs. The doors close.

I do an experiment. I try dropping jumping up and down a bit to see if I can make the same !boing! sensation.

No dice.

I jump even higher.

No dice. Just a slight bong, no !boing! in sight.

We reach my floor and the doors open. At this point, I am proving that white men can jump, and I am about a metre off the floor, manically bounding up and down. I am at mid point in my arc when the doors fully open and I see several people staring oddly at me, waiting for the elevator.

I slink out, never having replicated that !boing!

How many frickin' hamburgers did you have for breakfast, lady?


This is of course one of the reasons why I ride come hell or high water. Energy in needs to be balanced by energy out, and I am fond of putting the energy in - I like my food. It has to be expended or I will be expanded.

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