Mr Whippy - crap in a cone

Well bugger me, if I wasn't cleaning out the garage when a Mr Whippy truck pulled up right outside the kitchen window. I heard the Mr Whippy tune of "greensleeves" playing before I saw the truck, and my initial thought was that some wog had a really gay horn in his car. I couldn't believe it when the pink truck pulled in.

So I popped down and ordered 3 cones. The guy running the van was an old wog of about 80, missing half his teeth and a bit hard of hearing. However, the van came with all the old standards - single cones, double cones, chocolate sauce, crushed nuts and sprinkles. I was always a sucker for things like a banana split or a chocolate sundae as a kid, looking back mainly because of the crushed nuts. So I ordered a chocolate dipped thing for me with crushed nuts.

I got about 2/3 of the way through it and worked out that it really was quite dreadful. Sorry Mr Whippy, but I have been spoilt by living close to Balmain and the rather excellent gellato shop called something like Gellatisimo. I'll have to pick up a business card next time I pop in for a tub of hideously expensive frozen stuff.

What went wrong with Mr Whippy? Well, mainly it's because they are still serving the same soft serve mush that was a hit back in 1977 when there was only one type of icecream on the market (lite shit did not exist back in those halcyon days) and about 4 flavours - vanilla, chocolate, strawberry and neopolitan. Icecream makers like Ben & Jerry's etc did not exist. You had a choice between icecream from the supermarket and soft serve stuff from the likes of Mr Whippy. Or, for those who did not fancy icecream, the only alternative was something like a Paddle Pop.

Nowadays we are of course spoilt for choice as far as frozen desserts go, and poor old Mr Whippy is a bit of an anachronism. He's kind of like the god-awful hotdogs that you get at the footy or the Royal Show. For some reason, people keep on buying them (possibly out of habit) and the companies survive. Frankly, all that soft serve stuff is just shit. It's goo. It's yuck. Coating it with chocolate and crushed nuts hides a bit of the hideous flavour and mouth feel, but it doesn't turn it into a lovely icecream.

The worst bit is the really, really cheap and shitty waffle cones. I can get a gellato in a cone up at the Balmain shop, and they use really good cones. Mr Whippy cones always taste or feel like slightly soggy cardboard. I got the feeling that the cone I just ate had sat in the back of that truck for 6 months. Ok, maybe it hadn't, but it crunched that way. Hang on, it didn't crunch at all - it just kind of folded up and goo'd in my mouth. Why, oh why, are these old codgers still driving around our streets dispensing this poop to unsuspecting customers?

Next time I hear that gay tune playing, I will stay in the garage. Or, hop in the car and drive up to Balmain.