Friday 29 December 2006

What a way to crap up Christmas

My flu bug finally seems to be on the way out the door. Might even be able to remount the bike next week and pedal into work on the first work day of 2007. Just one annoying thing to get rid of, and that is the bucket of snot that is still stuck up my nose. I have been coughing and sneezing this gunk out for two weeks, and it shows no sign of abating.

So I pulled out the number one ace snot cure this morning - a trip to the beach. The best snot cure seems to consist of getting dumped in a big surf half a dozen times, but alas, that was not to be this morning. There were waves, but the ocean was like a large washing machine and the waves were uncatchable. I had to make do with swimming to and fro in the chop and blowing out hunks of green goo every now and then. I really needed to catch a few waves and inhale some salt water up my nose as I am still a bit clogged. I don't know what it is about body surfing that puts so much water up your nose. Maybe once you catch a good wave you don't notice all the spray hitting your face and going up your snoz. Whatever it is, body surfing is the only truly effective nasal clearance technique.

No swim at Bondi is complete without a good breakfast, and I have been looking forward to returning to the Kiosk for 6 months. I haven't swum since June or July, and I have been missing the place. Last time I ate there, it had just been bought out by a guy who went to my school. I had a long chat with him the day after he signed the papers and he swore he wasn't going to tamper with the place too much. I continued to go back month after month, and the only thing that changed were the staff as they slowly rotated. However, the replacements were a good bunch - friendly, good hearted and chatty. The cook thankfully remained the same, so the food wasn't screwed up.

Then I walked in the door this morning after a 6 month absence and the decor had changed. Some stuff behind the bar had changed slightly as well - but not enough to make a big difference. The big change was the staff - the cook was nowhere to be seen, and not one of the staff was familiar. To cap it off, there was a really thickset older woman doing the serving, and a silly young chinese thing with too much rouge taking orders. If there was one constant at the Kiosk, the staff were attractive. Not stunning, but attractive. Male or female. Apart from the cook, they all looked like they had risen at dawn, run along the beach and then been for a swim. They were fit and toned.

The new lot looked like a bunch of rejects from The Biggest Loser. I looked around in vain for a familiar face, and then noticed that the menu had changed. The items were still the same, but the format was new.

Uh oh.

Ordering used to be easy. I'd sit at the bar and the cook would yell out, "Spanish or eggs", meaning did I want a Spanish omelette or poached eggs with mushrooms. The barista would simply plop a latte in front of me. All that is now a fond memory. After 10 minutes, I finally managed to catch one of the staff and give my order. I sat there reading the paper, waiting for my coffee to arrive. I read the first section of the SMH - no coffee. I read the "Drive" section. No coffee. I read the sports section - no coffee. I re-read the front section, and then breakfast arrived.

Uh oh, fucked it up and got the order wrong. I did not order plain scrambled eggs. Back to the kitchen with that lot.

Coffee finally arrives.

After re-reading some more sections of the paper, my Spanish omelette arrives.

It was dry and distinctly lacking in taste. The coffee was a bit burnt and bitter.

Bugger bugger bugger. The only thing that hadn't changed was the price. And it isn't worth it.

Thankfully, there are two completely adequate cafes next door that I have tried from time to time, so I only have to relocate about 20 feet. I might give them a second go in the morning, since I figure I still have a bit more snot to go. Today could have just been a bad day - Christmas rush and all that.

For their sake, I hope so.

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