My Dear Committee members
I'd like to share with you an idea I've had for a Mardi Gras float next year. You might recall that back in 2008, there was a float featuring Fred Nile's head (I think it had something to do with John the Baptist). There wasn't much outrage in the gay community when this float appeared, given that Fred had said some less than pleasant things about gays in the preceding years.
Well, someone that hated gays even more than Fred has been in the new lately, and I think it would be the perfect time to feature his head on a Mardi Gras float.
Yes, I'm taking about Osama Bin Laden. Fred was less than complimentary about gays in NSW; Osama was a very important person in a part of the world where they are regularly executed. If Fred deserved to be mocked by one flat, then Osama deserves to be mocked by an entire parade.
Here's my idea - build a papier mache Osama head and mount it on a pike on the back of a truck. Suspend a large, pink thong (as in flip-flop) over his head with a hinge at the rear. The thong can then be waved up and down to beat him over the head - a terrible insult in Middle Eastern lands.
The head should be lined with bags of pig's blood. The dancers on the float, dressed in short-shorts with a Navy SEAL theme, can take turns blowing holes in the head with shotguns. By the end of the parade, the dancers and street will be liberally smeared in a mixture of pig's blood and Osama's remains. A few of the dancers might get carried away and simulate sex with some of the newly formed holes in Osama's head.
Police protection for the float shouldn't cost more than four or five million dollars - a price well worth paying for giving the gay community the opportunity to poke Osama and his minions in the eye.
Let me know what you think.