Is it that hard to get an iced coffee?

Gloria Jeans had a special promotion the other week on a drink called "voltage", which was some sort of iced coffee derivative. I paid my $3.95 or whatever it was and gave it a go.

It was sticky, icky horrible muck, and it went straight into the bin. It was by far the worst "iced coffee" that I have ever had. It had very little coffee but a huge amount of sugar. It was more like a Coke slurpee than anything else.

So I gave them a second chance this week by asking nicely for a "very plain, unsweetened iced coffee". The woman looked at me kindly, and explained that they did one that was just a shot of coffee, milk and ice - and definitely no whipped cream on top. I forked over my money and had a go, and was pleasantly surprised. It was quite good. Thumbs up to that franchise of Gloria Jeans.

Either that, or the franchise owner is sick to death of all these iced coffee addicts coming back to the counter going, "My God, what is in this? It tastes like crap. I want my money back".

From one franchise to another - from Gloria Jeans to McCafe, I tried to get history to repeat itself. I bought a "normal" iced coffee from McCafe, and it was easily the second worst one I have ever had after that initial Gloria Jeans muck. One slurp and it went into the bin. I know there is no point in complaining. Just bin it and never try it again.

On my next visit, I changed tack and asked for a "very plain, unsweetened iced coffee" at that same McCafe. No dice this time - the manager just looked at me like I had dropped in from Uganda and tried to explain in simple words of few syllables that all their iced coffee was made from syrup, and even though they had a big flash coffee/espresso making machine, and bags of ice, and gallons of milk, it was impossible to make a shot of coffee, to add milk and top it up with ice cubes. Somehow, that would violate many inviolatable McDonalds rules, and the Universe would come to and end before the day was out.

For crying out loud, I can make a bloody iced coffee in my kitchen using nothing more sophisticated than instant coffee, hot water, milk and iced cubes in a big plastic glass (that has enough room for vigorous shaking). I don't know what the bloody world has come to when people feel that drinks can only be made from syrup, rather than producing the "real thing" from original ingredients.

Next time I am going to ask for a latte in a plastic cup, then ask for a handful of ice cubes. That'll fuck'em.