Monday 21 May 2012

Gumby, gumby, gumby

You ever have one of those days when you get out of bed on the stupid side?

One. I sprayed the lawns for weeds. Afterwards, I thought that the bottle of weed killer wasn't any lighter. I pulled the cap off the bottle, and sure enough, the hose that sucks up deadly chemical poisons was not connected to the cap. I have been watering my weeds for the last month instead of napalming them.

Two. I made a loaf of bread, turned the oven up flat out, let the oven get really hot, put in the loaf and then went to water the weeds for 15 minutes. When I came back, the oven had gone out and the loaf was anything but baked and crispy.

Three. I made a lime tart. This called for some blind baking. This is where I really went stupid. The instructions said to put the pastry in a tin, line the pastry with baking paper and pour rice or baking weights on top. I line the baking tin, put in the pastry and then poured rice all over the pastry. 10 minutes later, I was picking soggy rice out of half cooked pastry.

It was shortly after that point that I decided it would be safer to return to bed.

1 comment:

TimT said...

How about this. On Saturday the Baron (my wife) and I went picking field mushrooms.

You've gotta eat mushrooms fresh, so we got them ready for dinner that night. I was careful, checked around to make sure we were eating the right sort. Their gills were the right colour, the stem broke away from the gills just like it should, there were no lumps on the top like there would be on a toadstool, etc.

And if there was a little funny yellow stain at the base of the stem, when we broke it, well, what to make of that? We figured it was because they were just old...

So we went ahead and fried the mushies, and 10 minutes later we were munching away.

As soon as we finished dinner I found a website that informed us we had probably just been eating... the Yellow Stainer Poisonous Mushroom. Looks just like a field mushroom, but the bottom of the stem stains a bright yellow when you break it, turning to a brown later. The website cheerily informed us we'd start vomiting within two hours.

(Funnily enough it didn't happen which either meant we were immune, we were old enough for it not to make a difference, or it was one of the closely-related non poisonous species.)

Welcome to my got-out-of-bed-on-the-stupid-side life!