Try this as an experiment - turn on your TV around 10.30pm on a Monday night and watch Boston Legal - with the sound muted. With no sound, you will be forced to watch what is going on. Apart from the totally hammy acting, the amazing thing is the camera work. It is a non-stop pastiche of zooms, pans and zooms with pans. The camera never sits still. The 10 year old has been fiddling with our digital camera recently, and his efforts at home video are about on par with Boston Legal. The zooming and panning and cutting to and from almost made me sick. You only need to watch about 1 minute of it to see what I mean, which is about 50 seconds too long in my opinion. What happened to the big black guy with the lips like truck inner tubes? What happened to the fat chick that never got laid? What happened to the skinny chick that was such a babe on Twin Peaks?
Now we have a bunch of has-been hams. James Spaader - fresh out of re-hab. His acting might improve after a few lines of coke. William Shatner - bless his cotton socks - he hasn't improved since the days of TJ Hooker. Michael J Fox - shown from the neck up only so that you don't see that the lower part of his body is shaking like a demented monkey.
Someone should tell the camera man to stop snorting speed before a shoot.
Boston Legal tonight was washed down with some apricots out of a tin. SPC should stop canning fruit and start boiling their heads in light syrup. I took a close look at the apricots and most of them were half green. My view is that an apricot is tasty when it is just about, but not quite ready to fall off the tree. These apricots must have been removed with chain saws. They were so green, it can't have been that long since the tree was pollinated. It was like eating a bowl of canned lemons. Pouring half a bag of sugar into the tin won't fix the problem. If the lepers that they employ as pickers are so colour blind that they can't tell orange (or apricot) from green, then they should send them back to Afghanistan.
More on the Bunnings saga with the pitchfork. The bastards are obviously on to me - they must have been reading my blog. I took the owner of the now 75% effective cheap arsed Chinese claptrap pitchfork to Bunnings on Sunday to purchase a replacement and the pricks had removed all the brittle, cheap and nasty, crap cast iron $7.99 models from the shelves and replaced them with locally made, tempered steel, properly welded $79 models. Thankfully Ian is a gentleman and a cheapskate and he let me delay my purchase of a no-good, easily breakable, two bit shoddy tool until the next container arrives from the Shanghai delta.
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