Wednesday 28 March 2007

No dogs

We got an interesting letter the other day from the Principal of a local school. She was writing to point out that it is illegal to walk dogs through the school grounds. Not that I care, not owning a dog.

The letter made reference to various acts of Parliament that forbade dogs being on the premises, but it missed one vital thing - what to do if we happen to see dogs on the grounds out of school hours.

I must remember to write back and ask about that. Are we allowed to shoot them? Will the Education Department give us an ammunition allowance? What is the recommended cartridge for shooting dogs? I would have thought a .22 would be too small (except for poodles) and a .308 might have the disadvantage of carrying on through the dog, across the playground and through a couple of houses. Does that mean that dum-dums have to be used instead?

Can we resort to bow-hunting if the school grounds are not large enough for the safe use of rifles? How about pistols? I don't want to carry a rifle around when I take the kids over to play, but I wouldn't object to carrying a Glock.

There is a large rubbish skip on the grounds - can I throw the dog carcases into it? Does the school want me to remove the dog tags so that they can be posted back to the owners? Do I get a reward for each dog shot? Do I have to cut off the ears in order to claim my bounty?

What about cats?

I can see they haven't thought this thing through thoroughly enough.

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