Imagine if the Fire Brigade spent their money this way:

Yes, this post alludes to how we are spending scarce research dollars on climate change:

Operator: "Fire Brigade, how may I help you?"

Caller: "Help, my house is on fire!"

Operator: "Right, I'll despatch a team right away."

Caller: "Righto. Hang on, don't you mean 'appliance' rather than 'team'?"

Operator: "Oh, we don't have appliances any more. We have teams these days. There's no 'I' in 'team', you know"

Caller: "That's all very well, but what will this team do?"

Operator: "Study the effects of fire on curtains"

Caller: "WHAT!?? That's no good, send someone else!"

Operator: "We have another team that studies the effects of fire on garden gnomes, but they're out at a nursery fire at the moment."

Caller: "Are they helping to put the nursery out?"

Operator: "No, they just take temperature measurements from the gnomes."

Caller: "I don't care about gnomes, get me another team!"

Operator: "I must tell you sir, that studying the impact of fire on gnomes is crucial to our understanding of how fire interplays with existing ecosystems and built structures. And besides, if we don't get a study published, our research grants will not be renewed."

Caller: "The fire is spreading! It's getting into the lounge room!"

Operator: "Oooh, that's interesting. I'll send you our Alpha team. They're studying the impact of fires on plasma TV's"

Caller: "But I don't have a plasma TV"

Operator: "That's too bad. Goodbye."