Cure for smoking

One of the pifalls of being a modern smoker is the inability to smoke indoors anymore. Being banished to the outdoors must be tough - but the worst bit would surely have to be the constant exposure to ciggie-cadging bums.

I was waiting at a light this morning. Across the road, a Chinese looking bloke was also waiting to cross, and he pulled out and lit up a fag.

Just after he did so, a shoeless and rather crazy looking bloke fronted him and asked for a light. The Chinese bloke was absolutely speechless - he'd been standing there minding his own business, sucking on some nicotine, when this barking mad wino suddenly got in his face, gesticulating wildly, and demanding to have his nostril hairs lit on fire.

It was early, and everyone was looking sleepy - especially the Chinese bloke. His brain eventually kicked into gear, and he extracted his lighter. Wino stumbled off happily up the street, puffing contentedly.

It was only when he turned around that I noticed that he had a hole in his pants I could have stuck my head through. His entire bum crack was showing - top to bottom. He had no undies on, and it was quite a sight. It must have been something to smell as well, because from across a busy street, I watched a Chinaman with nostrils full of pungent smoke suddenly react in alarm when he suddenly got a whiff of Captain Bumcrack.

The thought of cancer doesn't seem to deter some smokers. But I'm sure that Chinaman must be having second thoughts tonight, knowing that he is part of a slowly diminishing breed, and the ratio of sane smokers to winos is shrinking all the time. He must be weighing the odds, and reckoning how many times in the future he can face being confronted by dudes with no seat in their britches.

I'd have bought a box of nicotine patches by now if I was him.