The meaning of goats piss

I have recently been inducted into that endemic fund raising thing known as "the school fete". The horror, the horror...

Apart from having to stay up half the night baking a cake, I then found out that our cake was probably inadmissable as:

• It was not contained within a school approved cake box
• The said non-existent cake box did not have the ingredients written on the side in big fat texta - can't have the one peanut alergy kid in the school dropping dead from anaphalactic shock on fete day.
  
• It looked "too adult" for kiddies, which means that instead of being sold, it was probably scoffed by the ladies running the cake stall.

What the hell, we only gave them half a cake and we kept the other half at home and ate it. It had about $20 worth of chocolate and butter and stuff in it and they were probably planning to flog it for 50 cents. Since The Hof taught business at a pubic school, he can probably explain the twisted economics that underpin this transaction. I don't know why the school just doesn't charge $1,000 a year for each kid and we could be done with it. Instead, I end up spending about $500 this year to give the school $50.

So we front up at the fete, and I proceed to part with my money. There were lots of food stalls, so I availed myself of a hot dog (pretty ordinary), an "organic" chicken drumstick (smallest chook in the world, utterly tasteless), a souvlaki (best I have had this side of Greece) and a few other things that I have since forgotten about.

I then got suckered into spending money at the bottle stall. The deal is that a for weeks before the fete, kids are sent home to badger their parents to handover a bottle of something for the bottle stall. It doesn't matter what is in the bottle - vinegar, sauce, wine, your grandmothers false teeth. You just need to send in a bottle.

On fete day, every bottle has a raffle ticket stuck to it. You pay $5 for a ticket, and you get the bottle with the corresponding ticket.

The sod before me walked off with a very good looking bottle of wine, so I put in $10 figuring that I might get something decent.

Ha!

I ended up with a bottle of Rose and a Hunter Valley 2002 Chardonnay from a winery that I have never heard of.

I put the chardonnay in the fridge last night and opened it tonight.

I have never, ever in my life tasted such an awful bottle of goats piss. It was so badly corked, most of my hair stood up on end. I'm not game to tip it down the sink in case it does something horrible to the pipes.

School fetes - a great way to move crap from one household to another whilst extracting money from people.